The Year of Robots (Games Edition)

If you weren’t swayed by our arguments definitively establishing 2014 as the Year of Robots, here’s a fresh set of predictions focused on everyone’s favorite robot-producing art/technology: video games!

girlandrobot

Flying Carpet Games, creators of The Girl and the Robot, will reveal that it has invented new, possibly dangerous technology to defy the theories of modern science and super-saturate their game molecules with more cuteness than previously thought possible.

resetgame

Reset will need 4 LAN-connected computers to play the game correctly, because it is not your character traveling back in time — it is you, the player, who will be playing co-operatively, assisting yourself and giving yourself high-fives.

Sir-You-Are-Being-Hunted

The full, final release of Sir, You Are Being Hunted on Steam will cause mass hysteria as Steam Boxes team up with the Xbox One in the Box Wars of July 2014. Humanity is saved only when…

sunsetpier

Skipping Stones will be used as an educational game to teach a whole generation of robots to love.

drtop

Death Road to Canada will feature the first all-robot road trip simulation ever performed. “NOHUMANS”, reads the license plate.

thump

Thumper devs will team up with the Need For Speed franchise, replacing the late great Tom Walker with the cast of A Bug’s Life.

astrobase

The new 2014 Kickstarter for Astrobase Command will feature robots, a cooking system, and deep psychological trauma, when it turns out that automated mac and cheese is difficult for alien astronauts to perfect when they have no taste receptors.

fulgore2

Killer Instinct’s Fulgore will be declared OP and broken by some, and dramatically needing an upgrade by others.

makerseden

Maker’s Eden will be compared doggedly by critics to games by LucasArts and Sierra, despite there being over 20 years of relevant story-based games created in the meantime.

anne

A.N.N.E. will become the new poster-child for the potential still left unexplored in open world RPGs, inspiring the spirit of adventure in toasters and microwaves everywhere.

mighty9

Maybe it’s the optimism chip embedded in our circuitry, but we think the fan community of Mighty No. 9 will prove that it is able to overcome its darker days and turn along with the greater “gamer” identity to be more welcoming, tolerant, and accepting in 2014 than ever before.

luigi

Satoru Iwata will reveal himself to be Shigeru Miyamoto’s greatest creation, a robot inspired by his experiences with management as a young programmer. Miyamoto says, “I wanted the world to have a fun President. I believe all robots should have the heart of a child.” With this great accomplishment, Miyamoto will at last retire, though Nintendo will announce a new, commercially-viable Iwata-bot design coming for Christmas 2014.

Welcome to 2014: The Year of Robots

You heard it here first, folks!

2014

Farewell to 2013, our beloved Year of Luigi. We will remember you fondly.

However, 2013 was also a year pointing to a bright future of robot overlords. Amazon announced delivery by drone. Google bought Boston Dynamics. It might be a couple of years until those particular bytes take over the world, but excitement over the impending release of Shattered Planet is just one small indication of 2014’s robot mania to come.

We predict that by the end of 2014:
* We will have tracked approximately 1,000,000 deaths in Shattered Planet due to robot violence.
* The rebooted RoboCop will cause rioting among Detroit’s cyborg civilians
* Upcoming film “OMG, I’m a Robot” will receive 2.3 stars on IMDB.com
* Someone will leak a copy of Mighty No. 9, to the disappointment of many.
* Rich kids will be less interested in programming than ever thanks to Play-i’s Bo and Yana bots
* To compete with Google, Apple will buy Umbrella Corporation.

Brush up on your binary for those black-tie affairs!